Ramblings

Between the storms at 2 AM, the clouds are racing past a full white moon. The rumblings of wind blown tin roofing sending me, Scout, and Kit out to inspect for damages. The three of us circled the house, wind whistling through the trees, driving just the lightest rain, only to confirm everything was still in place. The next round will be here shortly, with possible tornadoes and golf ball size hail. We’re used to being up for lesser reasons, so, we’ll be here and we’ll be ready, Not that we can fight our Mother nature. Fortunately I baked myself a cherry pie last night so I won’t be going hungry.

4 AM was clear and cold, I checked on it from upstairs, and crawled back into bed. Slept til 5 and felt that I’d been blessed. My mind was running reruns of all the sports I played, from age of 3 to 55. I relived it all. The good, the bad, the ugly. Remembering names and places, and often even faces. From front yards, back yards, alleyways, and parking lots, to football fields in Germany, and golf courses round the world. I took a football to Vietnam, (no real idea of war and what was coming), which they took away for throwing passes in the jungle. 1950 through 2005, it went by in an instant. Softball, baseball, football, basketball, golf, tennis, water skiing, snow skiing, pool, boxing, dancing, chess, hunting, fishing, and the rest, each required a volume on their own, and, yet, I viewed it all while trying to get back to sleep. And, then, an awesome sunrise spread across the eastern sky in a kaleidoscope of pastel pinks and purples, acting as the credits for my movie.

Filling up a midnight moon, like turning on a light, illuminates the world around you, allowing you to see. It seems to never change. Some times its brown, some times green, and sometimes has an icy sheen, but, make no mistake, no matter how exquisite, this has been your prison cell, your pasture where you graze. You serve here a life sentence, with no parole for good behavior. Your bed, your room, your house, your car, wherever you might think you are. Your city, state, and country, or any place on this planet, in this tiny universe, becomes your outer walls. And when you’ve reached those boundaries, you discover you are still on the inside looking out. Even when, as one with God, your soul is soaring, His Love the wind beneath your wings, you look into infinity, and find it really isn’t.

Wow! Went to bed at 9 PM with half a moon lighting up a clear sky. 3 AM and a couple of clouds cluttered an otherwise clear and star . filled moonless morning. Sausage , egg, cheese, and avocado, with Hawaiian bread toast and apple butter, doing dishes, feeding dogs, distributing pills, loving on Girl Scout, watching Fox & Friends First,eating a homemade chocolate chip cookie with a spoon full of stewed apricots, and checking on Facebook, before slipping back out for a 4 AM …sky. Where did it go? Orion, April’s Big Dipper, and an array of other stars, visible at 3, were now tucked away beneath , an, all consuming blanket of grey clouds. Forcing us to focus on God’s Love and all our friends in need of His healing, mind, body, heart, and soul. Tricia and her father, Jolene, Debbie, Linda H, Linda W, Pam G, my Deb, unfortunately the list goes on forever. Fortunately God’s Love is endless with plenty to go around. You have but to seek, and ye shall find.

The glory of a brand new day! The softly shifting colors dancing before the rising sun. We pass this way but once, and each night begins a new day, so catch as many of these shows as your soul can handle. Then take the gift of a fresh canvas and paint yourself a beautiful Loving life.

1:30 AM, I have been up for an hour, gazed at a cold clear sky, accepted God’s gifts, Love, wisdom, common sense, distributed pills for the day’s consumption, threw together a delicious omelette, ham, egg, cheese, tomatoes, with a slice of avocado, cleaned up my mess, watched impeachment reruns, and posted this on Facebook. The dogs are sleeping, waiting to respond to whatever comes next. That may be our message of the day. Take what life throws at you, deal with it, and be ready to respond to whatever comes next. Or, go back to bed, and hide your head, as I think I shall do.

How do you describe the indescribable? Where do you find enough adjectives within our one dimensional language to convey the infinite depth of a 4 AM sky? The beauty of a bizillion stars,(yes, I counted them), sparkling in the darkness of a crystal clear moonless midnight? The essence of God’s Love permeating your heart and soul? The mind meld with the wisdom of all eternity? And, then be tasked to do it everyday. And, who would assign that impossible mission to the most inadequate, irrelevant, unworthy human among us? Is it possible God made a mistake?

Residual clouds, from last night’s storm, linger in my 2 AM midnight. A few million stars manage to be seen in the windows to forever. God’s peace and Love ooze over you and soak into your pores, like honey on a soft warm biscuit. (these food analogies must be a bi-product of the holidays) Common sense connects you to the wisdom of the universe, and we are prone to ponder that proverbial question,”why?”. If you have the answer, please share. (“because” is not an answer).

4 AM brought just enough rain,(12 drops), to tease a pond that needs to rise 2 feet. But, the clouds linger. Blocking out our stargate to the universe. Open your heart, and understand, that , you, are the universe. You are the portal through which all love flows.

And, the midnight morning came. Paper thin puffy clouds were shuffling across the moonless sky, blotting out the stars. Scout and I soaked it in, like biscuits sopping gravy, We are one with all that ever was, or will be. So, why is it, we let the irrelevant, rhetorical, bullshit of the physical plane drag us down? We have access to all the answers, we have only to ask the right questions.

A solid 3 hours sleep! Unfortunately, a Thanksgiving Day, over-fed gut, and less than exciting football on TV, put me to sleep at 7:30. 10:30 wake up call and an hour of laying in bed trying, unsuccessfully, to keep my mind from engaging put me outside with Scout, looking up into a crystal clear forever. Giving thanks for God’s Love, wisdom. and common sense, gave way to praying for healing in those whose lives we touched. Pushed as much Love into the 4 AM sky as my pathetic little heart could generate,(hoping it would be well received), and came back inside to carve the leftover ham, placing it in containers to be refrigerated and saved for those great sandwiches I’ll be eating until I can no longer stand to look at them and feed the rest to my dogs. Thankful for the Thanksgiving found in a 4 AM sky at midnight.

If you think you have nothing to be thankful for , standing beneath a crystal clear 4 AM sky, or at the alter of a 6 AM pre-dawn eastern horizon, you have no soul. Yes, I distributed pills, baked a pie, took a shower, cleaned the kitchen, and loved my dogs, all before stepping into the Love and infinity of a Thanksgiving Day, 4 AM sky! Happy Thanksgiving one and all!

Explosions in the storms of 11 PM blew holes in the clouds, and chunks fell to earth in gallon buckets. By the time it passed, at midnight, there were stars peering through the gaps. 2 AM was mostly clear with Orion standing out directly overhead. The 4 AM sky brought back delicate puffs of white, that managed to diminish, if not block out, most of the points of light. Sucking up God’s Love, from the 11 PM storms to the 4 AM peace, re-energized my heart, and pushed me past the low-energy depression of yesterday. I have distributed pills, baked 4 pecan pies,(and cleaned the kitchen of course), written this post, loved on my dogs, psyched myself up for the activities of the day, which include shoeing a horse at 8, training horses from 9 to noon, filling gas bottles in Crystal Springs, have a tooth added to my dentures in Gallman, and getting home for Deb, before taking a nap. Definitely a nap!

I don’t care if I live to be 100, and, thereby forced to watch 36,500 sunrises, I will marvel at the beauty, and count each one a blessing.The pastel colors beneath a still bright Venus star, adorn an eastern horizon that strains to give birth to a brand new day! Just as the moon watches, as it settles to the west, in bittersweet amazement, knowing this will be her replacement. Showing her faith in God, and all that is, she whispers, like Arnold Schwartzeneger,”I’ll be back!”

The 4 AM sky didn’t make it. The partly clear visibility of 1, 2, and 3 AM was buried by thin clouds, blocking the stars from view. ….I am sorry , Sometimes, depression, like a fog, rolls in from nowhere and saps my energy, rendering me even more useless than usual. But, like fog, this too shall pass.

***

1 AM leads to 2 as the full moon moves west and Orion sits above us, dimmed, but not diminished. Funny that Veteran’s Day should be on 11-11, my special number in life. I was honored to have placed a wreath on the Vietnam Wall in DC,for the 11th Armored Cavalry, on 11-11, 2011, at 11:11 AM, after an extraordinary set of unique circumstances. My buddy Rick and I landed in Australia on 11-11, at 11:11 AM to begin a 30 day adventure, exploring that country. My ex-wife Sandy and our kids lived at 1111 Mackie in Carrollton, north of Dallas. And on, and on, too many accounts to mention. So, as I am set to step into my 4 AM sky I once again ask “why”? BTW, we need a “day” for veteran’s families and dependents.

So, I have dealt with physical pain for 70 years, cuts, bruises, breaks, sprains, strains, and a myriad of malladies collected from an active life of sports, horses, construction, being clumsy, and growing old. I have healed or learned to live with these. But, I have never learned how to deal with injuries to my heart.

A bright moon in a cloudless sky illuminates the landscape and accentuates the tree-lined silhouettes. Scout dog and Kit, cloaked in deepest black coats, stand out on a near white gravel driveway, as they provide for my security.God’s Love flows in, around, and through me, doing all it can to cleanse my heart. The wisdom of infinity displays the answer to every question ever asked, but, records them in common sense, a language man no longer speaks.It is like having that word, or that name, on the tip of your tongue, but you just can’t spit it out. Midnight, one and two AM slide by, redundant in their starry splendor. Daylight’s Sunday sunrise shines across Tracey’s foggy pond and reflects off The Free Will Aviary Cafe chandelier in golden beams that pass through The Looking Glass to tell me I fell asleep in the recliner and missed my 4 AM sky!

OMG! The heavy depression associated with a broken heart is weighing me down. I took the dog we found last week to Copiah Animal Shelter, where they feel confident they can find him a home. The extra chaos of trying to fit in another dog was upsetting Deb. She has been declining, but this was causing high anxiety, and more incoherent behavior. He was a great dog and deserves better .I am very sad.

The creeping clouds of midnight become the waffle clouds of 2 AM. Stars shimmer sensuously through the intermittent gaps and a crisp cold collection of calm and breezy air tweeks my cheeks.Girl Scout, still jealous and upset with me for allowing the lost dog to cuddle and ride in her truck, reluctantly stands guard. I take a little extra as I suck up God’s midnight morning Love, in order to give it back at four, to all who need it more.Baking pies while waiting, cut short for lack of Karo. Thank God for Fox First at 3 AM. I’ve Love to share, with friends in need, at 4AM, or I’d go back to bed.

Interesting 4 AM sky. Not because it was beautiful and tickled your soul, but because it happened twice! Shared it with Scout, went back in the house, set the clocks back an hour, and took advantage of a second opportunity to soak up Love and wisdom. Now it is 10 minutes before 6 AM and the predawn pastels are painting pink the eastern horizon. Not sure what good it is to change time. Just another inept attempt by man to play God.

The 4 Am sky is falling. Cold and wet. Invigorating and refreshing.Cancels the outdoor activity. Suggests a return to bed. And, so, I listened. 8 AM, the sky still falls, I feel well rested, as does Scout, I’m sure. She oddly chooses to sleep under the bed, instead of in it,(definitely not a Texas woman). She moves with me like a shadow, from room to room, or back outside,(which seems to be her favorite).We’ll be confined to quarters on this day, and that’s OK, because we sorely need the rain. And, that might be the message. Into each one’s life must fall a little rain. Perspective, perception, play parts in how we view it. The Free Will Aviary Cafe is covered with bright red cardinals that choose to ignore it all together, as they share a breakfast buffet.

So clear at 4 AM, one could almost see all the way from now til then! A chubby crescent moon and Orion in his shiny armor stand guard over a bizillion points of light, that must surely be the” holes in the floor of heaven”, refered to in a song, through which, pours God’s Love , so bright, if not broken into stars, you could not look upon it. You feel the magic instantly as Love courses through your heart and steals your soul for some early morning soaring. It is one of those backdrops that deserves a meteor shower or something more dramatic. We have to settle for a pastel pink and orange predawn sky, leading to an explosion of sunlight, telling us its time to go to work. Training horses is not work and we are privileged to be trusted with the task. Life comes with a million moving parts, and this particular part of mine is perfect!

Living in a shadow box, with 50 shades of grey, on a cloud covered Tuesday morning/midnight at 1:30 AM. Dogs and nature get me up so I won’t miss a thing. No moon, no stars, no falling space trash, no rain, no thunder, no lightening, No Kit(he sometimes waits for 4 AM sky), no rhyme, or reason. The silence of the silhouettes is screaming in my head,”there are none so blind, as those who will not see!”. Open up your heart and soul to see what dreams may come! God’s Love is just an essence, to be felt , not seen or heard. An energy that brings forth life, resulting in acts of Love and kindness, when left to run its course. And wisdom seldom shows itself, among the human race, although, its all around us, all the time, waiting only on the use of common sense to connect us to its peace. God loves to drag this weird stuff from me, and make me write it down, so all the world can call me “fool” and treat me like a clown.

Midnight madness! Go to bed before nine and you can count on being up to watch the midnight stars.(which, by the way, are barely visible through the clouds). Girl Scout, Kit, and Dixie, agree that any time is alright as long as you are there.( Johnny Mathes again). Need for the rain to hold off, as we have 2 horses to start this morning for a friend around the corner. The Light of Love fills your heart and charges your soul , even in this darkness, so you might have it to fall back on in your darkest hour. The fear of PTSD and the depression of a lonely caregiver are no match for God’s healing Light. The trick is to remember to reach out when you are drowning.

Counting blessings on a Sunday, how appropriate. Starting with a perfect 4 AM sky that rolls into a perfect sunrise. Through the looking glass, (that doubles as a sliding door),is The Free Will Aviary Cafe, wrapped in sunrise gold, glistening off every dew-covered blade of grass and Tracey’s pond. This morning’s breakfast crowd consists of scarlet cardinals, bright blue jays, and big fat dove that survived the season. I am feeling no pain related to yesterday’s horseshoeing adventure. We drove 2 hours,(each way), to do 10 head,(5 trims, 5 shoes), for a long time account and friend that goes on a ride every year at this time. Pride in a job well done, pride in the skills displayed by the partner that I trained, pleasure in sharing time with friends I see only twice a year, and the financial reward that always seems to be there just when we need it. Thankful to Tracey for watching Deb for me, as it took a half day, I could not have taken otherwise. The joy of being so aware of cat and dog security and the Love and devotion they represent. The lunch we’ll share with Deb’s brother, and his wife, her life long friend, that selfishly makes me happy to see her getting out. The restaurant is owned by a shoeing account friend and fellow vet,(that shares my PTSD), and his awesome wife. I count my Facebook friends among those blessings, (for listening when I need to vent). I could literally go on forever, but, the point is clear, that while I am thankful for my many material world gifts, the blessings that mean the most are rooted in God’s Love, and kindness, and the privilege to be healthy enough to be aware of, and never take for granted. See life through your heart and soul, and be a blessing to those around you.

Halloween’s spiderweb clouds are draped across a half a moon and Orion’s head and shoulders.The 1 AM midnight morning has moved from cool to cold. Scout and Kit never comment or complain. I threaten to set up a fire ring near Scout’s grave so we can all share the heart warming glow, and maybe cook some strips of meat, or other camping snacks.God Loves a campfire. Opening hearts to fill them with His Love.The mind is entertained by hypnotic dancing flames. It may never come to pass as procrastination seems to rule my days. (denial will not let me call it depression) And so, I shuffle onward through the fog, seeking “what dreams may come”

Extraordinary clarity in a 2 AM sky. Orion, and a brigade of his star troopers, surround a half moon that lights the land. How is this possible? Watching a thousand full moon nights has shown me stars and the all consuming light of a full moon are not compatible. Meanwhile, the wisdom of infinity enlightens all who seek, and wraps you in the cocoon of peace that comes from knowing simple truth. Common sense connects us with the answers, while, ignorance prevents us from asking the right questions. God’s Love tries to inundate our hearts, while we do all we can to block Him by worshipping man’s pathetic world. All of this flows through your senses in the moment you open heart, mind, and soul to receive it. You can share the Love, whether or not it is reciprocal, but to share wisdom requires an open mind and the humility to accept it. By tne time daylight rolls around, arrogance, ignorance, and stupidity have retaken my feeble mind as I shuffle onward through the fog. Girl Scout says she’s with me, no matter what.

4 AM, the same 2/3’s of a moon, that entertained yesterday, and a solo star, are all that manage to penitrate a soft layer of non-raining clouds. Scout and I greet another day. Cool, almost cold, air greets us back, and dictates the agenda for its use, winter prep. Horses first, training and shoeing, then building cabinets to house waterheaters and exposed water lines.What does that have to do with God’s Love, you might ask? You tell me.

2 AM and waiting on 4, the dogs and cat, run out the door. The sky is clear, thank God I’m here. White wicker rocker, pulled back onto the drive, keeps grass dwelling creatures, from eating me alive. Kit, chasing Scout, around my chair, ensuring security, while I’m there.I turn an eye, unto the sky, which says to me,” Quit rhyming fool!” I holler back,”That just ain’t cool”. But, mine is not to reason “why”, mine is but to do and die.
So, let’s talk about God’s awesome Love, the spiritual energy that bonds all living things, not just to each other, but to this endless universe. Awareness of this fact, is all it takes , to dip into this spring fed well, and quench your thirsting heart, and soul, with all the Love and wisdom you can handle. It puts a troubled mind at ease and leads you back to peace. Your aura , once more, burning bright, experiencing this morning’s night. ( sorry, i just can’t help myself) My guard detail is hard at work. Dixie sleeps beside me in my writing recliner. Kit is barely 2 feet away, curled on the seat of a straight back chair, while Raven sprawls all over the floor, and Girl Scout stretches the length of a leather couch. Mutual trust, them in me, and me in them. They feel safe enough to drop defenses, and I fear nothing when they’re with me. One piece of gravel moves on the drive outside , and full blown chaos would ensue, and God help the party coming through that door unannounced! Love binds us all together in a symbiotic relationship. Man, to woman, parent to child, neighbor to neighbor, and so on. The secret is to know your role and play it well. God’s messages come out of nowhere! It is fun to see them, once he makes me write them down. For now, the 4 AM sky awaits! (hate to disturb my guard detail)

The 4 AM sky began at 1 this morning. Moonless stars, not affording enough light to haul the 5 gallon jugs of diesel to the barn, so, Scout and I took the gas powered cart. (yes, it seemed a little sacreligious to rape the peace and quiet of the night by cranking the engine). Orion ,getting stronger, assured me he would have infinity secured by 4 AM. Did not see Kit, but, that does not mean he was not there. Oh wow, there is God’s message for the day. (if I have to explain, then you probably lack the faith to see it anyway.)

2AM was just your typical awesome sky. The moon, waiting in the wings to be pushed forward by the sun, was having little affect upon the night. The brilliance of Orion as he rose to meet the challenge of the darkness. The host of many million stars , running forever, into infinity. The all consuming Love, and wisdom , free for those who seek. Girl Scout at my feet, Kit Carson on the hood of my truck, (parked rudely in his spot), and all the peace, one heart can stand! The common sense, on any subject you dial up, is plain and simple.Race, gender, sex, citizenship, crime, religion, whatever, yet, no one wants to listen. Humans are stupid, need I say more?

Wallowing in wealth, as I view my lavish lifestyle, available to all, but enjoyed by so few. The treasures of a 4 AM sky , being guarded by Orion, his celestial armies, Girl Scout, Kit, and me. An endless star-filled universe, like diamonds on display, the wisdom of infinity, the peace of common sense, all energized and floating in a sea of God’s Love. Many have as much, but no man has more than me.

I truly believe an awesome sunrise to be part of a Master plan to energize your heart and soul, and help you make it through the day. What a privilege and a thrill to be part of that each morning!

Up and out at 2 AM, Orion there to greet us. We winked, nodded, and paid homage to the prelude to the 4 AM sky. We took fresh Love and wisdom, then marched back in to fix a steak, egg, bean, and cheese fajita. Once Texan, always Texan.Cooked, cleaned, ate, prepared the daily meds, fed my dogs, and watched the 3 AM Fox First, before going back out for the 4 AM sky.Very dark in the moonless midnight morning mist. How can there be so much water in the air when there has been no rain in several years now? Roses and grass that receive extra water, do better than those that don’t. (compliments of Captain Obvious).

If we are to have a civil war, as Thomas Jefferson would have done by now, then it needs to happen now, while an American is commander and chief. It will surely be between the tyrannical socialists of the democrat party, their “useful idiot” followers, “never Trumpers”, and the American people that follow the American president they elected to drain the DC swamp and restore the constitution. It is past time to engage the military to remove and arrest the clear and present danger attempting the coup and takeover.

Waking for a moonless midnight morning. Girl Scout, Kit, and Dixie, acting like its 4 AM. Kit lays claim to the driveway, Girl Scout stays with me, and Dixie disappears in the darkness. Orion has not yet pulled himself into view, but a thousand points of light preceed him, marching across heaven’s dome, like a trillion times before. God’s Love goes on forever, but, not so the robots here on earth. I feel my body wearing out, a little more each day. I’ll be giving back God’s gift of life, and thank Him very much, for blessing me with passage on this planet. I’ve screwed up, way more than got it right, but what few times went like they should, were more than enough to make it all worthwhile. Oh, and today is my good friend Rick’s birthday, and, being politically correct, I wish him much happiness. Yesterday I shook the big strong hands of men that I admire, and felt the honesty in their smiles. Life is a compilation of moments, choose wisely which you remember.

Orion is my morning friend. He meets me as I walk outside. He stands as silent sentry, protecting Scout dogs, Kit, and me. Chasing 4 AM sky at 3, has led me to discover the horse trough water I left on, running full blast last night . too tired to tell you God’s message for the day. Maybe that was it.

All the way across the 2:30 AM sky it streaked, from west to east. The shooting star I have been hunting for days, maybe even weeks, takes but a second,(or two at most), to traverse my limited view of my singular perspective, of an infinite universe. Instant joy and gratification mix with gratitude and humility, bubbling over in uncontrolled laughter and happiness. What are the odds that you will be looking at the right area of the star covered dome, at the right time, for that split second? It is nothing short of a miracle and a gift from God. ( Or, possibly, just another piece of space trash, crashing to earth, and you got lucky enough to see it) Either way, it filled my heart and stirred my soul. Girl Scout, laying at my feet, said nothing. I think she missed it.

4 AM and, for the moment, my puter is allowing me to write about the spectacular simplicity of this midnight morning masterpiece. What strikes me first is the softness of the sky. A jillion stars, all moving at a speed we can not comprehend, meteors, space trash, sun burps, and other volatile activity, woven into the fabric of the comforter that caresses my soul. Standing beneath forever, allowing God’s Love to renew my heart and infinity’s wisdom to wash across my mind, I can’t help but feel sorrow and compassion for those who never get to experience the essence of life. My Girl Scout sits beside me, and just like lightening, Love flows from heaven to earth, and through our common bond. We are one with all that is, or ever will be.

**

Clear skies illuminated by a nearly-full moon, accentuated silhouettes and shadows. Refracted light of day lit up the landscape, while still allowing certain stars to shine. Orion made the cut, and could be seen, all be it faintly, as he snuck into the eastern vista. The midnight sun of 3 AM exposed the antics of my guards. The Girl Scout and Kit Carson, walked with me as I checked on water troughs, and stopped, as I did, to wait on them to fill. No bad guys, to save me from this morning, caused boredom in the ranks, and led to cat and doggie games exploding all about.Running here and paw slapping there, until I moved along. Love is dedication. Love is loyalty. Love is the dependability of a 4 AM sky, which now watches as the giant orange moon casts shadows from the silhouettes as it bids the night,”adieu”. And then it is gone. Analogies and metaphors are all that we have left.
Perhaps, comparing life to flowers is the best. From a seed they grow, being fed and nurtured by so many, as through the stages of their lives they pass. Growing roots and building stems until, at last, they blossom. Sharing beauty for all the world, to see and judge, before passing on to fertilize the next generation. Aaah, the fun of a 4 AM sky.

Contemplating life at 2 AM, with my small world, revolving in the redundant universe of planets, moons, and stars. A golden moon, 2/3s full of refracted yellow sunlight, sets slowly, but surely in the west.Girl Scout, Kit, and I survey the clouds to our south and stars to the north. It is all that we can see from the prison window of this physical world. Billions more, around this globe, incarcerated just the same. The freedom of the soul to soar is sorta like a pardon. We blend in with the light of God’s pure Love to know the heart of every unit in all eternity. Now, the trick is to focus that energy where you need it most. Only you know where that is.

30 minutes after midnight and here I sit with Scout and Kit. 2/3s a yellow moon is well on its way to being gone, but furnishes all the lighting necessary to watch them do their job. Scout’s headstone right in front, Girl Scout laying on my left foot and Kit Carson 4 feet to my right.. God’s Love is all around and common sense and wisdom abound. We watch the cloud covered dome, looking for what, I just don’t know. Then infinity fills your mind with its simplicity and truth, telling you that common sense is the connection between its vastness and the human condition,(that, of course,is stupidity, born of ignorance) Applying common sense is like asking, at last, the right question. All answers,(at least those to which we are entitled) exist within our consciousness , our portal to “the all that ever was, or will be”. Common sense is knowing how and what to ask.

Each night begins a new day! Midnight thirty and here we stand beneath the stars. Some of which will still be around for my 4 AM sky. Seems more like “late night” than “early morning” , but some of us had to wake to see it. I hope I have enough on record, in the event I lose my sight. I want always for infinity to have these images to flash across the big screen of my soul. To remind me of the Love and wisdom, and the essence of it all. I want to feel the cool gentle breeze upon my skin that teases of a coming fall, (of course, anyone from the south knows there is no such thing as “fall”, only, too hot, and too cold, with a 24 hour transition if you’re lucky). But, I’ll be glad to play the cards that I’ve been dealt, and pretend they’re pocket aces.

t 4 AM Orion was much clearer, as were all his troops. They provided the same peace in the valley,(or on the hill in Terry). The ringing in my ears shuts out a lot of midnight morning sounds, but I rejoice in all I hear, see, and feel. This would be a great day to die.So many have been, yet here I am. I must be doing what I should, just not well enough to finish. I will work harder.

Scout and I in the peace of a moonless 2:30 AM sky. Kit, I’m sure, is somewhere in the silhouettes and shadows. God’s Love refreshes my soul and pushes out the demons of the physical world. The wisdom and the common sense of a million yesterdays gone by, like low hanging fruit, wait patiently for passers-by. We need only ask, in order to receive. This morning, I requested of infinity, the CDs from my past. Specifically the lover that woke me from my sleep. Sorry, but honor, political correctness, and probably the rules of FB, prevents me sharing any further. Since our lives are an illusion, and yesterday is all we have, it makes good sense to fill it with great memories for moments such as this..We’ll be back at 4 AM to be thankful for our sky.

I know not what to say. It is obvious, each night begins a new day. Moonless midnight mornings with wall to wall wonder.Am I supposed to thank Dixie for waking me, and dragging me downstairs? 1 AM is overrated no matter how you get there. Whether you stay up all night , or wake up just to see it. It seems forever since I stayed in bed til 4 AM. I still relish my 4 AM sky and venture back outside to share, to listen, and to learn each morning. Then, it is not long til predawn skies promote those pastel pinks, producing dawn’s delights. However, with all that said, I am declaring “bullshit” and going back to bed.

I know for sure the 4 AM sky will differ from this partly starry 1:30 AM version. Though, Dixie, Scout, Kit , and myself, pay homage to the one above. Thankful just to tilt my head, and not throw up, or stumble to the ground, and thankful for the other senses, including sight and sound, that lets you enjoy the midnight morning. Keenly aware, as well,that there are so many undefined characteristics that allow us to experience the very essence of God’s Love, the air around us, or the sensation of a soaring soul.

2 AM , waiting on 4, but not expecting any change. 100% cloud cover. Dixie, Scout, and Kit, don’t seem to mind returning to the house without having spent time in the rocker. Does anyone doubt our universal insignificance? Whether I share God with my loyal audience of 2, or somehow find a way to reach the world, infinity won’t even blink. That Love resides within your heart, yet energizes every moving part in all the universe. We are a part of all that is, or ever was, but don’t let that swell your head. A single cell within our body is every bit as influencial . Imagining ourselves as somehow involved in this grand symbiotic relationship is far beyond our comprehension. The secret is to lay back and “let it be”. Let go of all you think you know.

To show you how my mind works, or to verify that it doesn’t. I am sitting here remembering last week I could not stand up, or lay down, and most concluded inner ear infection. So, if nothing from the outside can get in, infection must be coming from within. ( yes, that rhyme is intentional) Does that mean my brain is rotting? That decay is setting in? That might explain the trash emitted from my mouth.

And so, another gorgeous day in paradise explodes softly in the eastern sky! Pastels, pink to white to blue, stir the songbird’s sonnets back to life. To start each day at peace, only to allow ourselves to build to a chaotic crescendo that which drives men mad. Let it go “Flo”!! Live as one with Love. Bake more pecan pies,( for others, not yourself) Linda and Lonnie are the lucky recipients of today’s frustration therapy.

3 AM to a 4 AM sky. Time well spent. It is taking longer to scrape off the slime of the physical world, in order to facilitate communication with God’s Love and wisdom.If I were not honor bound to giving care on this plane, I would escape to the spiritual. Instead, my security team and I, are walking to the barn, beneath a moonless, star filled infinity.Girl Scout is more active than usual, running into the darkness, while barking out warnings. Kit responds by closing , to better protect me from unseen evil. Rounding the corner past the tack room, I am greeted with a hint of that aroma which strikes fear in the hearts of dog owners in the country…..Skunk! I quickly deduce this to be the cause of Scout’s heightened alert status, and turn the team around, double timing back to headquarters. Relieved to find Scout passing the “sniff” test, I usher us all back inside. If only,”do-overs” in real life were that easy. Oh yeah, this IS real life. This is my life.

The 4 AM sky! How does one define, that which has no limitations, no boundaries, and represents all that ever was? Simple visuals are in constant motion, and by the time you form your words, your thoughts, and write them down, the universe itself has moved on. Taking pictures, mental, or physical, you still manage only to capture the past. Oh well, I am but a poor, dumb, horseshoer,( if not humble), and should not trouble myself with human explanations, for that which can not be explained. However, I enjoy sharing my morning experience, if only to read what I write , to better understand the moment. I am a short story kind of guy, not a novelist, whose intention it is to keep these brief , so as not to lose the readers, like myself, with short attention spans. 4 AM found Orion, returning in the east, pushing up a quarter moon, as Venus gracefully lowered herself behind the silhouettes to the west. Cat and dog security, maintained their vigil,for more than an hour, never leaving me unguarded, as I watched infinity transpire. One man’s trash(in this case space type), is truly another man’s treasure, as we witness its flaming demise, and call them shooting stars. Scout tells me I am rambling and I need to go trim horses for my barber/therapist/friend Debbie. So VERY much infinity to cover. So little time. Love you Scout

Forming fog and drifting thin white clouds, shroud the clear skies that once were 2 AM. But, a 4 AM sky has an essence, all its own. Seek the Love and ye shall find.

Instant gratification in a moonless 2 AM sky. I looked to the west, where at 8 PM a yellow 1/4 moon had been setting, to find a clearly defined Milky Way, among a myriad of stars. No sooner had I gotten good at gazing into God, but a burst of burning space trash went shooting through it all. A smile, and giggles in my heart, seemed like an ungrateful, understated response, but, brought to mind my hole-in-one. During a golf tournament in Austin,( a lifetime ago), after playing golf since the age of 10, and having hit, what felt to be a million shots at as many par threes, one went in. While the rest of my foursome screamed and shouted, I merely smiled to myself and said “finally”. Somewhere in this is an analogy, and possibly a metaphor, but, surely, the joy of being part of something special. Maybe, we should see each day that way.

2 AM delight, without the lunar light, the stars were big and bright. The deluge of the day before, a memory, like so many more. We walked down to the barn. In part to check on things there, and, in part to test my security team. Both were fine.The middle stall still flooded from leaving on the water, and, Kit following in the darkness, with only his eyes reflecting back the flashlight beam.Girl Scout found a frog, and was busy patting it down, in search of explosives, or other threats. Scanning the pasture with the flashlight revealed two sets of eyes, attached to deer, and horses moving to the barn, expecting food, I most imagine. Peace in the valley(or on the hill) and I am blessed and spoiled. This time alone with God is what I will miss the most. So many suffer and struggle, I wish that I could help them all. Passing on God’s Love, encouragement, and wisdom is the best that I can do. Hopefully, He will use my words to touch the hearts in need.

WaaHoo! 4 AM sky with crescent moon and countless stars, a rocking chair, Girl Scout, Kit Carson, and an infinity of forgiveness. God simply offered Love with no strings attached. He did not ask where I had been, who I had been with, or why I thought I could handle life without Him. When I said,”I don’t know where I found the strength to make it through the last month”, He said,”Really?”. As He refilled my heart and recharged my soul.

The beauty of the 4 AM sky was not lost on me. A quarter moon was set against the black velvet darkness above an eastern horizon. Visible, like the smattering of stars, in the vacant spaces between the “cotton ball” clouds. I, more than most, know the joy, the Love, the wisdom, and the peace that wait for my heart. So, why can I not yet muster the emotional energy to cross the driveway and sit with Scout to take advantage of these gifts? That, then, is the dilemma of depression. You lose energy cause you don’t use energy. Then the gold in a predawn sky reminds you God’s Love, God’s energy, is all around and waits only for an invitation to rush back into your heart. Maybe tomorrow.

Overcast sky at 4 AM. Girl Scout and Kit Carson waiting to see where I go. Neither commented on my choice to go back inside, and both assumed security stances at my recliner. I have to start pushing myself to stay outside and listen with my heart, but, not today.

Wow! the 4AM sky was brutally honest this morning! Truth, so far beyond our comprehension, that there are not words to convey it. Let me just say that we make our lives way more difficult than they should be with our shallow interpretations and perceptions of “reality”. 

Is it just me, or does it seem, the most profound pontification flows from the mind of the tortured soul?

Listening to the wheels of the 4 AM train as it passes through Terry, Ms., blowing its whistle at the 2 crossings, never slowing down enough to hop on board, and leaving you to wonder,”what dreams may come”. Reminding you, as you stand on the tracks in the darkness of your tunnel, the light at the end is yet another train. It takes no energy to open your heart to God’s Love and let His light wash the darkness from your soul, and yet, I find my feet bogged down in worry and self pity, keeping me from opening that door. Fortunately, I have the memories of the teachings of the 4 AM sky to fall back on, and their reassurance, that, when I’m ready, infinity will take me back. Tomorrow is nothing more than today’s dreams. Dream big, dream bold, dream happy, and above all else, dream Love. “For the greatest of these is Love”

Thomas Paine. Do you think he knew the impact of his writing? I certainly feel my patriotic prose falls on too many deaf ears. Writing of truth, and “Common Sense” surely does not win friends, or, influence people.

Can’t reach, or be reached by my 4 AM sky. There is a physical world shroud clinging to my heart like Flex Seal! Nothing getting in, or out. I walk in darkness like the night, enjoying only the mono-plane visuals. When you’re swimming in depression, you can not see the ocean for the water. Or, put another way, from this path, you can not see the forest for the trees. Searching for an island, or a clearing. I feel God calling, but my self pity won’t let me listen.

Fast moving clouds at 4 AM sliding between us and 2/3’s of a full moon, remind us that “this too shall pass”. Hopefully, an accurate analogy of depression as it dims the light in your life.

4 AM turns into 5. Stars fade into predawn light. Girl Scout and Kit Carson get together on Scout’s headstone. 21 months, 3 hours, and 27 minutes since his last breath, laying on the floor in my arms. I realize I come here every morning to visit, not just the memory of a friend, but a piece of my heart. So many dimensions. So many planes of existence. So many perspectives. All changing a million times a moment. All relevant only to your concept of reality. Your “truth”. And, there it sits, exposed by the light of day, for all to see, yet no two people on this planet see it exactly the same. Aah, the infinite wisdom of a 4 AM sky! So far above our pay grade. So far beyond our comprehension. Blah, blah, blah, and then we die.

4 AM sky. Always revealing. Always right. Always loving. Always entertaining. Always rejuvenating. Always teaching. Always over our heads.So, why do we not listen? The simple answer to all things,”LISTEN”, “LOVE”, and “LEARN”. Why isn’t that taught in universities? Children graduate thinking they know, not just something, but everything. Little baby 23 year olds want to tell 70 year old grandparents ‘how the cow ate the cabbage”. “LISTEN, LOVE, and LEARN”

One aspect of a 4 AM sky is solace, ( to console, alleviation of grief or anxiety, a source of relief or consolation). Dip your heart in God’s Love and let it heal you. Depression will fight to keep you away when your soul is begging you to stay. Been a tough month, and the light at the end of the tunnel has most certainly been a train, but I’ll be back, for the solace and so much more.

Four AM finds me looking up into a gentle rain, appreciating its cleansing and spiritually renewing qualities. I have been away for 2 weeks, fighting the Crusade against Alzheimer’s and its demons. We suffered many losses at the hands of confusion, anger, frustration, fear, loneliness, ignorance, belligerence, belittling, and the rest, on both sides. Depression kept me from the 4 AM sky, where I could have healed my wounds. Deb was back yesterday, for the whole day, for the first time since being sucked into the darkness on May 19. Maybe meds are working. Maybe God is taking pity on us both. She does not remember the battles of before. That is a good thing. Aah, the peace of 4 AM.

Deb is back to pruning roses and pointing out “honey do’s”. It is good for my heart to see her happy, if even for a moment. Let the “lows” of the past week be a wake up call. Alzheimer’s is very real, very tragic, very sad, very confusing, and very terrifying for its victims. They do not want to leave the security of their “home” and familiar surroundings. They do not want to be exposed to crowds,(even family). Alzheimer’s Association , educational material, states this very clearly. I encouraged her to go to Birmingham for her grandson’s high school graduation. My fault. I had been noticing increased frequency of “sundowner” affects and failed to adjust her medication. My fault. I knew weapons and car keys needed to be kept out of reach, but did not think we were at that stage, yet. My fault. Her actions were pleading for help, and I failed to see, or respond. My fault. We expect others to understand, and forgive her behavior, when we don’t understand it ourselves,(and we live with it 24/7). My fault. Now, that I am aware of how deeply depressed and afraid she is, at all times, if I don’t do everything I can to ease her pain, it will be My Fault. I submit these posts to get the guilt off my chest and share the burden, but, also, to hopefully educate other caregivers that might be starting out on the same journey. Love is still the answer. Do not expect Alzheimer’s victims to come to you, or see your point of view. If you Love them, if you care, you must go to them.

he 4 AM sky was far too deep this morning! Humanity is drowning in an ocean of ignorance, even as the universe offers all answers. A few sane souls tread these ugly waters, while the rest of us attempt to pull them under. Better men than me have tried to share this message since the dawn of time. “Why?” has always been the question, and “Love” has always been the answer. I’m exhausted Scout.

Scout and Kit were stumbling over each other trying to be the first out the gate, to get ahead of me, and tumble into the moonlight just beyond. A half moon dodges giant cotton balls at 4 AM to share its light . Like twilight in the evening, the immediate area is clearly visible, still melting into the darkness of the distance. Girl Scout lays by Scout’s marker, (instead of at my feet), and Kit rolls in the driveway’s dirt behind me. All is surely right with God’s world. But, hey now, what about me? Am I not still lonely and depressed? How can I possibly be? Scout, and Scout, and Kit, and even Face Book friends are all around to hold me up when I get down. God’s Love, our common bond, in every heart. Ah, the morning message,” Reaching out is reaching in”. Love works like this, “the more you share, the more you have”. The clouds have moved along and we sit here basking in the glow of half a midnight sun and the wisdom of all infinity. What we do with it is still up to us.

Life and Love at 4 AM. More than half a yellow moon provides the light to see it all unfold. The Girl Scout at my feet, Kit Carson at my back, the sounds of waking wonders pulsing through the air, all wrapped in the essence of Love, and being one with God. Bullfrogs, roosters, distant dogs, highway noise, and freight trains furnish background interference. Inhale the crisp clean message of the day. Fill your lungs, your heart, your soul, as it doesn’t cost a thing. Memories and fantasies, and thoughts of “what dreams may come”, pass through you, erasing failed attempts of yesterday, while preparing you for today. Loaded up with Love, and wisdom, and even common sense, you are given, once again, a palette full of vibrant colors and an empty canvas. What picture will you paint ?

Alzheimer’s? Tau tangles? Beta-amyloid proteins? Dementia ? Old age? Does it matter the cause, if there is no cure? As a loved one, or caregiver, what matters is how to cope. Alzheimer’s Associations will give you all kinds of guidelines, based on records and research of millions who have come before. Rhetorically,”If you can keep your head, when all about are losing their’s, and blaming it on you”, this line had to be written by an Alzheimer’s caregiver. But, so much easier said than done. Deb rode with her brother to Birmingham, Al. on Sunday, for her grandson’s high school graduation, and spent all day Monday telling me of her visit to Nashville. Being an idiot, I attempted to correct her. In a firefight (gun battle) it is not easy to stick to the game plan, when you are busy trying to stay alive by keeping your head down and firing back. Dealing with this neurological disorder, there is no firing back, and, if you keep your head down, and your mouth shut, you are attacked for ignoring her. Basically, the caregiver’s role is to stick your head up, and take one for the team, all the while, knowing nothing can save either of you. Depression becomes the very sad, and very cruel, reality for both. Thank you for listening

“What’s on your mind?” The question Facebook asks, and we all seek to answer. ” I don’t know”, “nothing”, and “everything”, would be among the conclusions. Sitting out for hours, beneath the thin gray lace of passing clouds that allow the moon, and even stars, to shine through intermittent gaps, one contemplates the great beyond, the endless inner being, and the heart and soul that ties it all together with God’s Love. We realize ” What’s on our mind” is whatever we were programmed with. We can not comprehend creation, life, nor its finality. Poets, prophets, written words, and all collected records, indicate the redundancy and futility of man to think beyond his own existence and survival. And, yet, we are far too arrogant to accept irrelevance. Oh, yes, gray hair would be my answer.

There is no way to convey the joy, the Love, the peace, the calm, the wisdom, and the “oneness” of, and with, God’s 4 AM sky. Deep and moonless, an infinite universal abyss beckons you to leap right in, and free-fall through all that’s ever been, is, or ever will be. A Milky Way filled with galaxies, each larger than our own, and a trillion billion individual stars, each perfectly defined, engulf the heart, the mind, and soul of the spiritual warrior, so humbly here below. No foals were found, but three shooting stars, expiring to the south, as they flamed out zipping east to west, and leaving sparkles for a tail, made up for the disappointment. I laughed out loud. My soul was being tickled. The threat of daylight, in the predawn twilight, chases away my dream’s facade. Leaving Girl Scout, Kit, Scout, and myself to wonder where it goes.” I’m tucked inside your heart” God says,”you’re free to feel it anytime. You have but to ask, and it is yours”.

No new foals, but the 4 AM sky is awesome. The Girl Scout made sure I was up by whining by the bed. I might have slept til 5 without her, thank you girl. Sitting in the white wicker rocker, getting lost in all it represents, while my security crew plays cat and dog, taking turns on Scout’s grave marker. As much as I love the light and sight of a big full moon, I believe my favorite sky is one without, that allows ALL stars to shine. Alone we “twinkle twinkle little star”, but, together, we are a light too bright to look upon. The Milky Way, and shooting stars, are indicators of a happiness in my day. My job now will be, don’t let it get away!

What’s on your mind, Randy? Inquiring minds and FB want to know. The vastness of a 2 AM Sky, painted in 50 shades of gray, among the shadows and the silhouettes, on a canvas of multi-layered clouds, and the infinity that hides behind them, really could not care less what an irrelevant piece of piss ant excrement thinks of anything. Actually, only arrogance and narcissism drive Randy to care about that which God allows him to write for others. The cleansing Love He uses to gently wipe from your wings the garbage of humanity, setting your soul free to soar once more, is there for one and all to share. Once ascending, beyond this shallow plane, you find your self looking back to see yourself in pain and pity’s prison, only to wonder, why would one wallow in such darkness, when the Light is there, just for the asking? What’s on your mind Randy? Infinity and beyond. A more meaningful question might be,”what is in your heart?”

Thunderstorms and lightening,(is that redundant?), driving our Great Dane from her sleeping spot downstairs to her security spot between Deb’s side of the bed and the wall. This, sometime around midnight, beginning the prelude to a 4 AM sky. Up and down, in and out, (sounds like sex, as I vaguely remember), unfortunately pertaining to dogs, cats, bladders,(for both), and eventually Scout demanding we get on with the morning’s duties. Out the door at 3 AM , making the rounds of mare checks and storm damage, negative on both, and paying homage , back at home, to Scout dog and all he represents. Standing beneath the rumbling clouds with light shows bouncing all through-out, you have to be in a state of awe and wonder. Sadly, in seeking analogies for this spectacle, I conjure up the ghastly recollections of the guns of war, exploding mortar tracks, and broken, burning, body parts. It is in fact “the beauty and the beast”, the “yin and yang” of life. Try to focus on the beauty.

Walking into an overcast 4 AM sky that wraps me in its peace. The Girl Scout leads me to the truck , jumping in when I open the door, anxious to check on the over due pregnant mare next door. It must be true that “a watched pot never boils”. She is as ready as we are I’m sure. Back with Scout we search the skies and find some gaps, between the clouds, revealing stars we thought were lost. Infinity is always there, or here, or everywhere. In hearts and minds and souls. Knowing that, creates the peace that only trust and faith can offer. God’s Love is omni-present and permeates each cell within our body. We are one with all that’s ever been, and all that’s yet to come. Feel powerful, feel irrelevant, but, feel something!

No new neighbors at 4 AM. But, once again the Girl Scout, Kit, and I sit with Scout beneath a cloudy sky. Watching my security team break into their morning “cat and dog” routine is hilarious. It would take volumes to describe their antics as they chase round and round my rocking chair, and use Scout’s grave marker as “base”. I search the weakness in the clouds for stars, and revel in the pre-dawn eastern softness, bouncing off those hanging on the horizon. The Love is warm and wet, and soaks my heart to running over. Bullfrogs, roosters, horses, dogs, birds, ringing ears, trains, highway noise, passing geese, and blessed silence, blend to create a familiar symphony of morning sounds. The peace, the wisdom, and the common sense are merely bonuses to living life at 4 AM!

Blood red crescent moon at 4 AM, goes from red to orange to yellow and white by 6 AM. Am I arrogant in thinking God does this just for me? Scout and I are soaking up the Love, the wisdom, and the common sense of endless star filled skies. We pass on all we can in hopes of helping those in need. It lingers there forever, so feel free to help yourself.

The perfect sphere that rose before sunset, traversed the sky, and now, glides gracefully away, before the dawn. Reflecting borrowed sunlight across a, seemingly, still landscape. The moon at 8 PM, 2 AM, and , of course, again at 4.The surreal silver shading, suggests supernatural sensations. Scout sleeps. I wander, as I wonder , about all that I behold. The Love, the wisdom, the common sense, the answers to all things,(within the limitations of our comprehension), and have to ask if it is more feeling than seeing? Orchestrated, sensual symphonies, fine tuned for every different ear? Do you see what I see, and interpret it the same? The trains, the frogs, the barking dogs, do we hear them just the same? Wouldn’t it be more fun, and probably beneficial, to share our minute differences , learning in the process, than to wage war on those who can not see our color “purple”, or hear our note “high C”? Love you Scout

3 AM foal patrol produces no new baby horses, but Scout and I get extra time beneath a 4 AM sky. Deep and moonless, with Milky Way clearly defined. The white wicker rocker, Girl Scout at my feet, Kit behind us in the drive, and Scout dog’s peace upon us as we rock, head back, in search of falling pieces. The universe goes rushing by, leaving only wisdom in its wake. Peace comes hard, as the stench of man’s stupidity clings to me like a leach. Infinity washes over me til , at last, I breathe the fresh clean common sense once more that God’s Love leaves behind. Why do we let the physical world impede our search for life? Enjoying now, a foggy dawn that feels like a descriptive answer to where I’m coming from, but, fog burns off allowing crystal clear interpretation, unlike the human being’s sad condition. Sorry, this thing went awry. I write what I am led to, not knowing where it goes. Its just so damn foggy !

My entourage was waiting by the door at 4. Girl Scout and Kit Carson stumbled over each other to get outside and set up security. I strolled into the moonlight with full confidence that I was safe from all threats. A moon that somehow went from about 80% to almost full, as it passed from east to west, across the dome we call our sky, met me at the door. The strongest stars still stand, but all the rest are washed away by overpowering illumination. Soon, it falls beneath the western treeline silhouettes to make way for the rising sun. Damn this world is fun! Love you Scout

2 AM holds no surprises. Raining when we crawled in bed , raining when Dixie demanded we get up. Sick as a dog when I went to bed early, just as sick when I forced myself to respond to Dixie’s demands.Steadily getting weaker, soar throat, runny nose, watering itchy eyes, mild fever, and chills. Other than that, soar muscles, back and feet, things are going well. My appointment with the VA dermatologist, as she burned off more “pre-cancerous” situations, was a foggy memory at best. But, you get home, and your greeted by dogs so happy to see you they shake, and a baby horse so cute he cures what ails you. Roses exploding before your very eyes and freshly mowed grass looking like artificial turf. God is good, but I think I’ll go lay down.

Well, I was rolling out a cool rendition of my 4AM sky , involving full moons, dark clouds, white fluffy clouds, star filled gaps in the cloud cover, a hint of sunrise glowing behind Tracey’s barn, and wisdom of the ages attempting to drowned you in understanding. But, just as I got going good, the puter blinked twice and was gone. It is a really spectacular invention, but can’t seem to handle being thrown across the room. Universal peace and love; out

A thumbnail moon and the soft light generated by a jillion tiny points greets a 4 AM sky. Basking in God’s Love and feeling guilty for cussing him over denying me this universal view all winter. Pretty, pink, pastels push forth a morning fit for a King, yet , even a pathetic peasant like me, is allowed to share in its riches. Smoke rising off Tracey’s pond, only to dissipate into the larger light of day, and now is turning pink to match. Now, it turns to gold, and follows the sun. What an incredible production! Next show, tomorrow morning! Admission is FREE! Scout and I wouldn’t miss it!

I wrote a 4 AM masterpiece, only to have it sucked away into some cyber universe black hole. Is that God censoring me?

What light through yonder window shines? Well, I can tell you at 1 AM it is not the moon, but, possibly, a thousand points of light! We settled back in the white wicker rocker by Scout’s headstone, laid our head back and gazed up at the heavens. The moonless sky revealed a jillion stars, and opened doors to an infinity, winter would have us think was gone for good. Girl Scout at my feet and Kit in the driveway right behind me. Order has returned to my 4 AM sky! Breathing in God’s Love and soaking up the wisdom, you think not, how much you miss it, til it is gone. Cat and dog games break out all around me, as if in some kind of celebratory native dance. If my feet didn’t hurt so badly I would have loved to join in. I assure you my heart was skipping along and jumping for joy. My soul was soaring far beyond the defecation man calls “life”. Physical world reality drags me down and bids me go check Tracey’s pasture for, yet, another baby horse. But, I’ll be back for a 4 AM sky.

A 4 AM sky(at 1:20) reminds you that all you call “life” is superficial illusion on the physical plane. Breathe deeply, suck in God’s Love, and become one with what matters. That which man calls “knowledge” is nothing more than his own shallow and limited creation, building a wall between himself and all God intended him to be. Maybe Scout will let me go back to sleep now.

went to bed at 6:30 PM, tough weekend, emotionally draining, dealing with Deb’s anxiety over her dog, Dixie, and the related Alzheimer’s reaction. But, we brought Dixie home yesterday, relieving her stress. So, Scout got me up at 11:30 PM, pointing out that I had been in bed too long.Into the darkness we strode, ride boldly ride, charging into an empty night time sky. Oh well, an excuse to toast Hawaiian bread rolls w/homemade plum jelly, and homemade chocolate chip cookies and milk. If this is as bad as it gets, I can handle it.

4 AM sky, wedged between the storms, is leaking only slightly, as it holds back morning stars. Scout and I are back on baby watch, with Tracey’s palomino mare, visiting here for breeding. Nothing to see this morning. Looking for life in all the wrong places?

In a 4 AM sky that shares no stars, we find no answers. Deb melted down last night, crying hysterically and cussing the world, ( and mostly me), because her dog (and caregiver of the past 9 years) was trapped in a cage in an empty vet clinic, closed for the weekend. She could not understand why she could not see her, or even why she was there. Dixie was diagnosed with diabetes, ( a pancreas not producing enough, if any, insulin, and a resulting high sugar count and other symptoms), and was taking 2 a day shots, and on a 24/7 IV drip to combat her dehydration. It was a tough call to leave her, but seemed like the best chance for recovery. In the meantime, you can not rationalize with Alzheimer’s, and can only watch helplessly, as the anxiety takes its toll. We wait now for a phone call from the vet tech, charged with coming in to care for animals over the weekend, to allow us to come see her dog.

OMG! In researching diabetes in dogs, I find that we have contributed 100% to Dixie’s problem. I also find that diet and exercise are critical to good health in humans as well! Who knew!

This morning’s 2 AM stars were diminished by Deb’s Dixie dog’s absence. She spent the night on IV at the vet’s. She was dehydrated from the effects to her system, the newly discovered diabetes was causing. Hopefully we found it in time to correct the glucose imbalance, thanks to Dr Michael and his clinic’s bloodwork capabilities. Rough night for Deb and, I am sure, for her Dixie, as they have not been apart over night in nine years. (that’s not exactly true. Deb has had 2 ER sleep overs in that time) As Deb’s number one caregiver, it goes without saying, how important Dixie is to this household’s well being.We are praying for a positive outcome, and being able to pick her up this morning. Will be making a sizable withdrawal, from all that Love and well wishes, deposited in our 4 AM sky by so many caring people.

Remnants of a savage storm are all that’s left by 3 AM. Pieces of a 4 AM sky are scattered all about. Cloud covered standing waters have become this year’s “norm”. That surely must account for the webs evolving between my fingers and toes. And the gills, while unattractive, have proven to be quite practical. The scaly skin identifies you as a biblically acceptable food source.Amphibious creatures,like those residing in the black lagoon, have become commonplace. But, who’s complaining? Surely not me. As I am old enough to know that April showers bring May flowers.( often, beating them to death, or drowning them)

The sun at six, still well below the eastern horizon, sneaks its rosy pinks beneath the ominous clouds, in a spectacular display of predawn pastels, that entices Scout and me to walk the pastures, front and back, seeking siren’s song of sunrise. As we absorb God’s gorgeous gifts of eastern origins, we are overwhelmingly aware of the lightening and related thunder behind us, that will burst into rain just as we reach the safety of a warm and cozy home. The “yin and yang” of life.

My security entourage escorts me to the barn. Cat and dog, coordinated protection techniques, keep me safe from house to barn and back. Since realizing , years ago, exactly what they were doing, it has been amazing to watch. Scout, past and present, will always take point and recon, sometimes, a hundred yards ahead, while Kit pulls up the rear, silently slipping in and out of shadows, as he guards my six. Once arriving, safely at my destination, they break into cat and dog games. Chasing each other at full speed in the darkness, killing time until I head back to the house, at which time they fall right back into security formation. How much do we miss in life by being unaware?

Soft white clouds are rolling in at 4 AM, taking out the stars as they come. Girl Scout, Kit, and I enjoy the cool, but tolerable temperature, that allows us to stay and study the shrinking gaps between them. Clouds , of any description, after the wet winter we have had, strike the paranoid fear of,”here we go again”, in our rain soaked hearts. Mom and baby horse have been confined to the arena where they will have access to a stall for protection against the predicted violent weather. There are many metaphors mingled in that last sentence, but I will go with something that includes God’s Love , shielding us from prophesied turmoil in our lives.My crew and I shall walk fearlessly through the darkness, to the barn, to check on our charges.Thank God for guardian angels in our lives.

Let me say that instead of watching a 4AM sky, I was watching the movie, “Monte Walsh”, and my buddy Scout, as he dreamed and squirmed on his cushion. It is a fact, I have a cowboy’s heart, and a poet’s soul. 8 good horses, a decent saddle, and a Scout dog. Our country is divided, not by race, but by those who understand how priceless is our freedom, and those who have no idea what I just said.

FB asks “what’s on your mind?” This morning I’ll convey how honored I am that God allows me to share His Love. To write about a new spring day as it grows out of the crystal clear wonder of a 4 AM sky. Walking with Scout, in a dew covered pasture that turns to frost and back to life giving drops in a matter of minutes, and being mesmerized by the magnificence of predawn light reflecting off a mirrored pond, as it announces the arrival of yet another day in paradise. The new colt, Stormy, epitomizes all that spring represents, bounding joyously around the other horses (who seem to be oblivious to his antics as they graze). The greening grass, the budding trees, the singing birds, the fresh clean Love you absorb almost without knowing, in some sort of spiritual osmosis, all happen in a nanosecond of consciousness. Our hearts, our minds, our very souls, would burst in an explosion of pure light, pure joy, and pure delight, were we able to conceive even a fraction of what God truly represents. I hate to waste a single drop of that which runneth over my cup, and so I make this humble effort to share. Please partake and pass it on.

A distant full moon, centered in a promissory ring of atmospheric moisture, predicts the coming rain. It shares the inner circle with one star, just one. 4 AM is a lesson, looking for a place to happen.Rhetorical analogies, and metaphors abound in this vast wasteland of wisdom. Surely, poets and thinkers throughout the ages have dipped into the depths of this infinity to find clarity, peace, and calm, in the eye of the human storm.

2 AM welcomes another paint foal on our hill. Tracey is a proud granma, and she and Trey watched over them as mom and baby got acquainted, ( it was more hectic than most ) An hour old and this baby was running around! Not sure baby and teets have gotten together yet, so we’ll be checking again shortly.Daylight will help.

A 2 AM chill is a small price to pay for a moonless crystal clear sky. Checking on mares who have decided never to foal and a Stormy baby horse , who has decided, after 6 days of life, to be just another horse in the pasture.Watched, in vain, for shooting stars, while filling my heart with God’s Love, and my head with the wisdom of the infinite universe.( So much goes in and never comes back out).

No moon, no stars, no new baby horses.4 AM is still an awesome event. As I walk the dark pastures I shall fear no evil. My Scout and my flashlight , they comfort me. I swear an occasional snowflake crosses the beam of light guiding my steps. The thunder of pounding paws passes next to me as Scout blows by at a full run. I have never seen a happier dog. She goes all out, entertaining herself, and the audience of one, I represent, constantly, then lays down and goes to sleep just as fast. But, let me see, yesterday, I’m up at 3 AM searching for baby horses, reveling in a quarter moon and sky at 4, sharing on FB, and watching FOX News til I leave at 6 to drive an hour and a half to Bassfield, MS., to work on 7 horses,( 2 half shoes, and 5 trims, mostly ill mannered), and drive an hour and a half home, where I fall into bed, (asleep before I hit the pillow), wake an hour later to go mow and work with Stormy, our 5 day old foal, change clothes, go to Walmart, (groceries and flowers for Scout’s grave), eat some of the rotisserie chicken and chicken salad as we feed the dogs, all the while dealing with Deb’s Alheimer’s, socializing with the neighbors, and keeping up with WGC golf from Austin, Tx, before finally sitting down to watch “whatever” on TV. Like Girl Scout, my life goes thundering past. I wonder if I appear as happy?

Clouds drift across a quarter moon and stars fight for open spaces as we wander here below seeking new life among our horses. 4 AM found no new foals,(how long can a woman put off the inevitable?). Come on girls! Meanwhile. Stormy, now almost 5 days old, sleeps under the protective, watchful eye of his Mom, in the pasture down front.The other horses keep their distance, but stay close enough to provide a defensive perimeter. Observing social behavior in all animals should be enough to let you know that we are no different and the only species that thinks we are unique is us. God is Love , and that is the image in which we are created. Seek and cultivate that Love, in yourself and all living things. Then, SHARE IT!

Life is strange. This morning’s 4 AM sky was full of Vietnam realities( the good the bad and the ugly) And then, I’m watching Fox news and discover today is some kind of remember Vietnam Day! Remembering Kenneth Hodge and John Smith, K.I.A. April 1, 1970.

2 AM waiting on 4. Stars and gathering whispy clouds. No baby horses in Tracey’s pasture. Scout and I sit at Scout’s shrine enjoying the peace and serenity. Ringing ears, barking dogs, and highway noise in the distance. Memories of 49 years ago when so much was happening in our sector in Vietnam. Watching the same sky then, from atop an APC , taking my turn on midnight guard duty, as I watch from my white wicker rocker today. Old men remembering their pasts. Neither Scout dog cares about what “was”,(and neither should I). Our here and now is all that counts, and God has blessed us! Be happy, don’t worry!

4AM was overcast, yet the artificial light , generated by the surrounding civilization, cast a silver glow across the land, as it reflects off the low hanging clouds. A plethora of philosophic philler, from which to phind the lesson phor the day! If you live in Pflugerville, Texas, you might relate. A mind is a terrible thing to lose! Maybe, I have just misplaced it.

Depth, that is what you miss when the 4 AM sky is covered with clouds. You are deprived of that special gift allowing you to see and feel all the universe has to offer. Visibility will ground your soul and strain your heart. BUT, that is not the case this morning! My heart sings, my soul soars, and wisdom washes over me, as, once again, everything that has ever been is revealed in an endless 4 AM Sky!

A crystal clear 4 AM Sky. Half a moon and a trillion stars, poised and ready, to fade into the light of day, even, as midnight melts to morning. The freezing cold on hands and face as I check the pasture for foaling mares, just reassures that I’m alive. How blessed to be aware of sights, sounds, and senses. Filling my lungs with the crisp clean air that carries God’s Love straight to the heart. And watching Stormy, the colt beginning day 3 of life, as he trots along side his mother. “breathes there a man, with soul so dead, who never to himself hath said, “ain’t life grand!” ? ”

Two very faint stars, push their way through , into, an otherwise, blank space above me. It reminds me that life is a blank canvas and you are the artist. Paint not with a troubled brush. It can distort the truth, the beauty, that can be displayed, no matter the subject matter. Be it grief, joy, or all points in between.

4 AM brings a clear sky cleansing. Looking deep into the night and feeling the Love of all you see. Bizillions of tiny points of light we are trained to call stars, flying by, as they sit there motionless. Deity designed depression dissipaters. My Girl Scout sitting on my feet while Kit has my back, laying in the driveway. Amazing, not just how obvious their desire to protect, but the dependable dedication with which they go about, what they see as, “duty”. And so, the lesson is; that which we perceive as duty, becomes just that, and no amount of reason can dissuade us from delusion. Scout dog, it is my “duty” to love you.

A fabulous 4 AM sky greets the Girl Scout and me, as we go in search of new baby horses. Finding none, we moved to the arena to check on Stormy, the colt born yesterday. Mother and child are doing well. Wow! foals are cool. wobbling around and getting stronger with every step. Something about spring babies warms the heart and stirs the soul.

A fading 4 AM Sky. Midnight moisture moves across the dome, washing away the stars of a clearing 11 PM . And, just to show it was not kidding, the bottom fell from heaven’s water reservoir,(again), this morning. Huddled masses in the dry warmth of home sweet home, dream of yesterday’s nirvana. A perfect display of more spring to come. ( I hope) ————————————————–

Well, guess who watched the 11PM star studded sky, searching back and forth, in vain, between Orion and my Big Dipper, for shooting stars, then, went to sleep, and slept thru , not only, my 4AM sky, but the sunrise as well!!! Guess what else? They both, apparently, occurred without me!! It is hell when you realize you are not the center of the universe!

Love is a 4 AM sky. Draped, this morning, in, the thinnest and finest, lace. The hint of clouds does not translate into a ring around the moon. Sucking in God’s love, ingesting infinite wisdom, consuming common sense, soul soaring in the universe, and just enjoying the moment, with Scout and Kit. Love left there in the past for individuals in need, is still there and now is reinforced with heartfelt well-wishes.

Just another fabulous sunrise reflecting in the mirror of Tracey’s pond!! A hummingbird at the feeder, 2 geese on the water, and 3 big dogs playing next to a pasture of 7 horses grazing on emerald green grass!! Heaven is priceless!

If 4 AM must be redundant , then let it be a super moon and stars! Wisdom waits, common sense abounds, and God’s light and love envelope and inundate the heart. Seek the spirit of the soaring soul!

4 AM super moon consumes you as you walk into its theater. Scout and Kit are probably oblivious to the lunar lighting, as I think their night vision is just fine with or without. But, it certainly allows me to watch , not just their antics, but the waking world around me.Spring brings new life, rejuvenating heart and soul. And, if you are into pink, this morning’s predawn horizon should excite you.Yesterday’s investment in seed for the Free Will Aviary Cafe is reaping huge benefits, as at least a hundred birds share the buffet. Golden smoke on Tracey’s pond quickly dissipates in the background, as it evaporates into the 2nd day of spring.High on the list of things I’ll miss, in this world, will be sharing moments like this with, not only, God the artist, but, my loyal friends.

A 4 AM moon sparkling off the frozen dew, as Scout, Kit, and I march to the back of Tracey’s pasture in search of mares in foal. Just like the Scout before her, Girl Scout runs ahead performing her recon responsibilities, while Kit slinks along in the shadows of the fence line. Halfway into the pasture , the three mares come running up out of the trees in the “creek bed”, with no baby in tow. By the light of the silvery moon, they trot to meet the guy they expect to feed them. Girl Scout, unlike Scout, annoys them,(and me), by nipping at their heels. The walk back to the house seems longer than the one in search of babies. Kit is walking on top the fence over my shoulder and casting a spooky silhouette against the brightness of a huge full moon on the western horizon. WOW! Taking in the beauty and the Love, all around, how can you not know how blessed you are! 1st day of spring just happens to coincide with the 1st day of the rest of my life! How cool is that?

I am so sorry to gush, but how can I help myself when everything around me screams ,”look at me!” The Free Will Aviary Cafe is surrounded by miracles. Smoke on Tracey’s pond evaporates as it climbs into the morning sun. The greens are spread across the canvas with a broad brush and, but for the gold flecks, sparkling off the dew coated grass and cafe chandelier, you’d think it the only color on the painter’s palette.If your soul’s not soaring and your heart’s not thumping, it is time to dig yourself a hole and pull the dirt in top of you! Loving life and living large!

4 AM is back!! An almost full moon setting in the west lets a full compliment of stars share the stage. Is there a greater time of year? When life begins again in Spring! The birds are singing and dawn exposes all the flora and the fauna across the land. Makes you feel guilty for ever doubting God’s plan.

4 AM sky revealed a single star in a gap among the ever-present clouds. As we searched a few more came into focus, This, to show us, that, with the faith of a mustard seed, one can envision and create the universe. One point of light grows into four, then so much more! Exploding into a spectacular sunrise. Revealing all the Love your heart can handle. Let the darkness of your yesterday be washed away by the joy awaiting you today!

It has become ridiculous. Cloud covered 4 AM skies are a dime a dozen. If only we could save a couple for summer drought withdrawal. The chill in the air this morning contributes to the dismal factor. Deb’s worsening condition, my sore and aging body, the diminishing decency of the human race, the shear stupidity of the American people, and the desperate state of homeless dogs, all push me towards a bottomless abyss of depression. Hanging on by a thread of hope and the Love of God, Scout and I await the coming sunrise, and the promise of a new day!

2:15 AM , give, or take, a handful of minutes, this morning of March 15, 2019, and I’m sitting here stroking Girl Scout. It has been exactly a year and a half since Scout died in my arms in this exact spot. I regret to inform you that this memory has yet to become some kind of warm and fuzzy piece of my past.The pain is still real. Tightness in my chest and stomach, as graphic visions of how he looked to me for help between convulsions, and, helplessly, all I could do was hold him tight and cry. 4 AM sky produced a veil of soft white clouds that allowed only the strongest stars to shine, as we stood over Scout’s grave and remembered the happier times. And there were many. Love you Scout

One of the hardcore remaining democrats on my page, complained of mixing politics, (or freedom as I see it), with my 4AM sky. That is often difficult, as I utilize the infinite truth and wisdom offered there to objectively evaluate the facts , and activity , on this physical plane. But, I will try. Mixing metaphors tends to confuse us all. Is the universe not a metaphor for itself? Of itself? And is life not metaphoric? Metaphorically speaking, using one image to represent another, is at the heart of all good poetry. And yet, so much is lost in translation when one uses metaphorical analogies!Tomorrow’s lesson shall be on redundance.
( I really do find my self entertaining! Yet, some days, I can not find my self at all. Weird.)

4 AM sky, semi-clear, with many stars, (no moon). 157.8% humidity, diminishes brightness and visibility. A perfect metaphor for mortality and old age. Our stars begin to fade. Our focus, not as sharp. Then comes an awesome sunrise and life begins again. The winds of change are blowing hard this morning as clouds are blocking all the views. We know if we can just hang in there , “this too shall pass”.

2 AM was allowing a few stars to be seen in the gaps between the clouds, although they were feint and veiled. By 4 AM the gaps were greater and the veils were being pulled back. Even April’s big dipper was visible, barely. Hope burns eternal, and we look forward to a sunrise. Don’t know if I’m loving life, or life’s loving me. ( and Google refers me to the 4 AM sky for answers) Wisdom says,”look down” and Scout is at my feet. Not sure how that handles my dilemma.

Reality and mortality seem to ride the same horse. Both came visiting this morning as I watched my horses standing, ass to the wind, in the pouring rain.
Mortality, while having shadowed me along my walk, has done little more than harrass me til the last 10 or 15 years. Now, it’s in my face every morning. In my feet with every step. In my muscles with every move. In my mind as those around me begin to show the signs of aging. And, in my heart as friends and family succumb to its siren’s call.
Reality, while in my pocket every step of the way, has , at last, gotten my full attention. Change is inevitable. Life, and the associated physical deterioration, has taken much. Football, golf, and sex, among those I miss the most. But, the serious pain comes when it forces you to see the truth. The fact that my country is at death’s door and there is nothing I can do to save it , hurts most. Truth is, I can post all day long and never open the eyes of those who will not see.

Strolling into the darkness of a 4 AM sky, (enveloped in the common clouds of every day this year), I watch as Scout disappears into the shadows, and Kit Carson appears as if stepping from behind a curtain. A shiver of impending doom runs through me as my mind is transported to the jungles of Vietnam, and the potential death lurking just feet away in its foliage. Just as quickly as it flashed across the “big screen” of my past, it was gone. Leaving behind a stupid human, attempting to justify the wisdom of indiscriminate killing and destruction. Common sense and logic, need not apply for a place in this deductive effort to locate reason. God’s Love, takes no side in conflict, as good and evil are merely concepts of perception based on the extremely fallible minds of men. And, did I mention, humans are stupid.

The moon , a perfect, geometrical, half circle, delights it’s audience here below, as the centerpiece of a 4 AM sky. Stars, while not filling the night , make their presence felt. Freezing cold, I sit in a damp, white, wicker, rocker with my BFF Scout. Watching Girl Scout ,and Kit, in the moonlight, as they jockey for position in protection protocol . Girl Scout ends up sitting at my feet, and Kit takes up Scout’s abandoned post to the east. This level of awareness, and interaction with my surroundings, is a treasure to be stored only in the heart. Would anyone else notice? Would anyone else care? No matter, “anyone else” ain’t here. Love you Scout

A 4 AM sky that tests the limits of one’s depression. How many days can we survive without the moon and stars? Could this be the punishment of being placed in “the hole”? And who, exactly, is trying to keep us from the “light”, or keep us in the “dark”? Does the main stream media control such things? Is this some sort of self imposed sentence? Knowing there is a universe out there, or “believing that to be so”, suggests faith in a God that paints both skies. He simply says,”patience My son”.