The New Deal was introduced in 1933 by then President Franklin D. Roosevelt in an attempt to stimulate the economy and curb the effects of the Great Depression. FDR was offering relief for the unemployed. Jobs were created through civil works projects.
In 2019, Alexandria Occasio-Cortez (AOC) introduced The Green New Deal, in an attempt to curb prosperity and offer relief to the employed. The main focus of The Green New Deal is having clean air. Cars and airplanes will be replaced by electric trains. If you can’t get to your job without a car, no matter. You won’t have to work. AOC is promising jobs for everyone, but also guarantees economic stability to those who are not willing or able to work. AOC and the government will give us everything we need with or without jobs. Sounds like Utopia.
The main beef I have with her plan is, well, beef. AOC has suggested all cows should be eliminated from the United States because ‘cows fart’. I can’t say I disagree. It is bad enough to have to walk through Walmart holding my breath because of the clouds of human flatulence, but sharing the air I breathe with cow flatulence is going too far, and think of all the other farting animals out there polluting our air: Pigs, horses, sheep, deer, skunks, badgers. The problem is, I like cows, especially cut into steaks and burgers and sizzling on my grill. Artificially beef flavored tofu burgers aren’t a great substitute for a juicy hunk of beef. There is an easy solution to this problem. Instead of eliminating all the farting animals in America, we can eliminate farts and create jobs at the same time. A regular dose of Beano should be mandatory for every animal in America. The government can take over all the Beano plants and employ anyone who chooses to work manufacturing Beano. For those who prefer to work outdoors, an army of modern day Johnny Appleseeds will be formed to hike the country spreading Beano throughout the land and into the mountains.
We can trade in our MAGA hats for FFFA (Fighting for a Flatulence Free America) hats and keep those steaks on the grill, because nothing beats a nice juicy steak. Besides, tofu gives me gas.
